Saturday, February 04, 2006

Of peaks and troughs, global

I dreamt last night. I believe it's my first dream since October last year. Given the rarity of my dreams, they inevitably leave a deep impression on me. As did the one last night.

Suffice it to say it made me relive the feelings and events leading to the writing of "
I preferred it empty", but under a different guise and context. I've read "I preferred it empty" many times since putting it down in black and white in the final week of 2004. And everytime I do so, I get the feeling I had exaggerated things when I wrote it. The dream reminded me I hadn't.

That suppressed glee of finding that "piece of furniture". That shock of realisation after "opening the door to the cottage". That beyond emptiness feeling... All of it was so real, I was wondering in the dream how I can experience the same set of feelings twice in one lifetime.

Another funny aspect of the dream was it was a long drawn-out affair. The events of the dream took place over the course of a few weeks. That seemed to heighten the emptiness feeling when it eventually hit me. I even remember getting that "I must be damn suay" thought flashing through my mind at the very end. Then, with that lament, I woke up.

I suppose it doesn't qualify as a
nightmare. There was nothing scary, nothing life threatening about it. Everything in the dream was fine and dandy, with the only turmoil being in my heart. Oh, not that categorising it matters anyway.

I'm just re-starting my engines, full power setting, and deep freezing those feelings again. Blogging about it helps quicken the process. A lot.

Still 55 days to go.


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