Staying connected

I always feel this compelling need to stay connected with Singapore when I am over here.

So I call home often. I e-mail friends a lot. I read Today (used to be ST until you know what happened) religiously. I read a lot of blogs, but only those written by Singaporeans. And, I tune in to Singaporean radio stations via internet daily. Funny thing is, back home, I seldom listen to local stations.

When I first came over, I listened to Yes93.3 a lot. I don't really like the music they spin, but the need to stay connected to anything Singaporean is stronger! However, they had some server problem and I cannot get a connection from Sydney anymore. That started about a year ago and has persisted since. Heck, even their website is a little intermittent now.

Then at the beginning of this year, I found UFM100.3. I've been glued to it since. My current favourite segments are 衆議院 between 8-10 a.m. and 一切從問題開始 between 5-8p.m. The former consists of discussions of current affairs by various guests invited to the show. Very thought-provoking. Hot knife through butter at times. The latter is a more relaxed show relying on the banter of the two hosts to elicit laughs. Moreover, it is at just the right time for me over here (7-10p.m.) when I just want to relax and chill out a little.

Unfortunately for me, it seems like everyone starts tuning in at 9a.m. and I get cut off right on cue at 9 every day. *Sigh* And everyone starts tuning out at 5p.m. so that I get to listen to almost the whole of the latter program. I also like the music they play on their night program, 越夜越美麗 between 8p.m.-12a.m. But I usually go to bed way before it ends.

In the middle of last semester, I found 動力88.3. This station has very little DJ chatter. Mostly music. And what they spin agrees with me. So when I need music without chatter, I will tune to this station. However, it seems to suffer from the 9a.m.-5p.m. problem too.

So in a way, I like the weekends, because I get access to Singapore radio for the whole day. But my favourite programs are NOT on during the weekends.

Something has to give.

212 days to go.

A surname and a policy design makes a dirty word

Every line of work has its own distinct flavour and jargon. Here are some in the actuarial line (you might want to refer to Life Insurance I and Life Insurance II to refresh your memory on some of the terms I use here):

i) "Par" = participating
ii) "Non-par" = non-participating
iii) Conventional = participating and non-participating
iv) Non-linked (as opposed to unit-linked) = participating and non-participating
v) RP, LP, SP = regular, limited and single premium respectively
vi) DST = dynamic solvency testing (you don't want to know)
vii) FCR = financial condition report
viii) Free assets/free reserves = assets above that supporting the insurer's liabilities, sama a safety margin
ix) GPR = gross premium reserves (yes, there is also a net premium reserves) = a method for computing reserves
x) Study leave = leave we get for preparing for our actuarial exams (don't get too envious) on top of our annual leave

and so on...


Whilst writing Life Insurance II, I was reminded of a little story during my year and a half of working life. The actuarial department was in a meeting, planning for an impending project. We decided to split the work by product design, i.e. non-participating, participating and unit-linked products. So this encompassed splitting the department into three teams for each. We had three managers then so that made things easy.

One of the managers, Derrick Lum, was someone I really looked up to. He was rock solid, technically strong, calm when things got a little chaotic and possessed some wit and humour to boot. For this big project, he was chosen to lead the participating team. Upon hearing this announcement by the head of department, his eyes twinkled and a grin broke. He cleared his throat and declared in a deliberate manner,

"OK, so you guys (referring to his team members) are now part of the "Lum Par" team."

It is a big loss to the actuarial profession that he has since stopped taking the exams and moved on to other richer pastures. Oh, and I've forgotten if I was part of the "Lum Par" team.

Akan Datang: Life Insurance III

213 days to go.

Life Insurance II - Main Product Designs

For a short glossary of some of the terms and acronyms I use frequently in this post, please refer to Life Insurance I.

OK, now that we know about the main product types, let's go through the main policy designs. There are three main designs, namely the non-participating, participating and the unit-linked.


Non-participating

The easiest of the three to understand would be the non-participating design. The idea here is simple, the sum assured chosen by the policyholder remains the same throughout the policy term. So if you have bought a non-participating WLA, your sum assured for life (since it is a WLA) will be the same amount. Non-participating designs are more frequently used for protection type policies. They are used for savings type policies too, but this is becoming rare in Singapore.

So why is its name "non-participating"?

Well, the insurer invests your premiums and earns returns on your premiums. When they are pricing the premium, they've already assumed they can earn a certain return on your premiums. This assumption is usually a rather prudent one, i.e. a tad or two lower than what they can genuinely get. In other words, they expect to earn excess returns. "Non-participating" means that the policyholder does not get a slice of these excess returns, when they do happen. How can we see this? Because your sum assured remains the same throughout your policy term. So where do these excess returns go? Them shareholders lah.


Participating

This brings us to the second policy design, participating. In this case, the policyholder does get a slice of the excess returns. Every year, the insurer considers its profits for its tranche of participating policies and distributes them between the policyholders and shareholders (ratio is 9:1 by legislation, I seem to recall).

How does the policyholder "get" this profit?

Your sum assured is increased by a certain percentage. This is known as a reversionary bonus, or bonus for short. For example, you've just bought a participating EA of sum assured S$10,000. At the end of the 1st year, the insurer declared a bonus of S$20 per thousand sum assured. That means you will get a bonus of 20*10 = S$200 in sum assured for this policy. From this point on, your NEW sum assured is now S$10,200. If you make a claim in future, you will get S$10,200 and not S$10,000. Bonuses once declared cannot be withdrawn, so that S$200 addition is PERMANENT.

In addition, reversionary bonuses are usually compounding. That means the next bonus declared will be based on S$10,200, and not the original S$10,000. So if one year on, another bonus, this time of S$25 per thousand sum assured, is declared, your sum assured will increase by 25*10.2 (and not 10) = S$255 for a new sum assured of S$10,455.

Participating designs are more popular for savings type products as it is a good vehicle for distributing investment returns. Protection type policies have much lower premiums and therefore little investment returns to talk about (their main profit drivers are better mortality experience than that assumed during pricing). As such, protection type policies, especially the TAs, are usually non-participating.

Note also that for both non-participating and participating product designs, the investment risk remains largely with the insurer. If the asset markets have been doing really badly, they still have to pay out the claims as stated by the sum assureds of the policies. They cannot increase the premium of your policy to counter this. Nor can they decrease your sum assured. So in such cases, they can only bear and grin (usually not so jia lat lah, they should have the reserves to ride out such fluctuations in asset markets).


Unit-linked

This is a more recent design, as compared to the previous two. Essentially, your premiums are used to buy into a fund of your choice. This fund may be invested in equities, bonds or cash. It may also be locally, regionally or globally invested. This all depends on the fund objectives. You are awarded a number of units of the chosen fund in return for your premiums paid. The number of units awarded depends on the prevailing price of the fund. For example, your premium is S$500 and the price of the fund is now S$2 per unit. You will then get 250 units.

The fund's price will fluctuate from day to day so the value of your invested premium will also fluctuate. Say a week from now, the value of the fund is now S$1.95, then the value of your invested premium is now 1.95*250 = S$487.50. At the end of the policy term, the total value of your invested premiums will be returned to you.

So where does the insurance part come in? It does look like a pure investment design, doesn't it?

At the onset of the policy, you might get to choose a sum assured. Another possibility is the sum assured is set at some arbitrary multiple of your premium, say 5 times. The unit-linked design is actually quite flexible, allowing for many variants. Whatever the case, this sum assured will attract a mortality charge (may be applied monthly or yearly). Suppose the sum assured is S$50,000 and the insurer charges $$0.60 per thousand sum assured, then the mortality charge will be S$30. This will be deducted from your invested premiums by removing the equivalent from your units. In return for paying this mortality charge, you will get insurance cover for the policy term.

In addition to the mortality charge, you will probably gana an annual (or monthly) administrative charge and fund management charge. Deductions of these operate in the same way as the mortality charge.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the bid-offer spread and/or reduced allocations. Not all of your paid premium will be invested. 5% might be creamed away in the form of a bid-offer spread. This takes the form of quoting the fund price as, for example, S$1.90-2.00. This means, if you buy into the fund NOW, it costs S$2 per unit but if you are selling NOW, it is only worth S$1.95 per unit. Reduced allocation is well, just that, reduced allocation. This is usually done for regular premium paying policies. The insurer might say they will allocate 50% in the first year, 75% in the second year and 100% from then on. This means that only 50% of the first year's premiums you've paid is actually invested. And only 75% of the second's year's. The "missing" 50% and 25% respectively goes to the insurer.


Now if you think about it, the unit-linked design is of greater risk to the policyholder. But this risk comes with the reward of potentially (keyword) higher returns. This risk I'm talking about here is investment risk. For the non-participating and participating designs, the insurer is taking on the risk of poor investment returns, i.e. they still have pay out the full sum assured upon claim and more importantly, at the end of the policy term IF the policy is an EA. For the unit-linked design, the value of your invested premiums is returned to you. Now this depends totally on the performance of the chosen fund. So you can gana jialat jialat if the fund nosedived just before the end of your policy.

However, as mentioned, you do get potentially (keyword again) higher returns for unit-linked designs because the funds usually (keyword) invest more aggressively than when the insurer invests on their own in lieu of the non-participating and participating policies.

It is for these reasons that the unit-linked design is commonly used for savings type policies. I don't think there are unit-linked TAs in Singapore although it is technically possible.


Now collating what I've mentioned here and previously, we have main policy types of the TA, WLA, PE, EA, and AN. These can be of regular premium, limited premium or single premium paying types. From the current post, you should now know there are three policy designs, non-participating, participating and unit-linked. Technically speaking, you can couple any policy type with any premium paying type and any policy design, e.g. unit-linked limited premium paying WLA.

However, as mentioned, participating and unit-linked are more suitable for savings type policies, so we normally see the EA and WLA for these designs (I'm ignoring the PE since it is almost extinct). The TA is almost certainly non-participating. The AN is usually designed as non-participating or participating. It "participates" in the profits by getting annual increases to the regular payments. Haven't seen a unit-linked version of the AN in Singapore yet.

Akan Datang: a surname and a policy design makes a dirty word

214 days to go.

Life Insurance I - Main Product Types

Having taken and passed (after many heartbreaking tries) a Life Insurance paper, I thought I might write something on it. No, of course not about those tries, but on the topic of Life Insurance. I get the impression that the public at large is not exactly sure what they are buying. Now if that's bad enough, then here comes the real bummer. I also get the impression that the agents in Singapore do not truly understand the products they are selling (When I was working, I used to get a lot of phone calls from agents asking me about product features)!

The main product types (keyword) available in Singapore (and indeed globally as well) are the term assurance, whole life assurance, pure endowment (getting extremely rare in Singapore), endowment assurance and annuity. Note that we are talking about life insurance here, so these products only pay out the sum assured when the policyholder passes away (or for some life products, upon survival up to some time period, I will elaborate on this below), as opposed to health insurance that pays out when the policyholder falls ill.

First up, some useful terms to know:

Contingency: In the insurance context, it means the (unfortunate) event for which cover is provided. For life insurance, it is almost always death (survival for a few cases). For health insurance, it is falling ill.

Policy term: The period of time for which you are covered.

Sum assured: The amount of cover chosen by the policyholder before entering the contract. This is paid out upon claim.

Premium: The monies you pay the insurer in return for the insurance cover.

Regular, limited and single premium: The former refers to premiums that are paid out to the insurer at regular time intervals (monthly, quarterly, half-yearly and yearly are what's available in Singapore) until the end of the policy term. The second also refers to regularly paid premiums, but for a shorter time period than the policy term. The latter refers to a single lump sum premium paid at the beginning of the contract and no further payment is then required.

OK, now we are all set to go.


Description of main product types:

Term assurance (TA): This covers the contingency of death for a fixed policy term. Survival to the end of the policy term will NOT result in any payment from the insurer. As such, pay out of the sum assured is NOT imminent. This results in TA premiums being much lower than other policy types. The TAs available in Singapore are usually of the regular premium paying type.

Whole life assurance (WLA): This also covers the contingency of death, but it is for life. Another way to understand this is its policy term is infinite (until death!). In this case, pay out of the sum assured IS imminent (everybody dies eventually!). Because of this, the premiums will be higher than the TA. The WLAs in Singapore are also usually of regular premium paying type. But the limited premium paying variant is becoming popular as people do not want to be still paying premiums at very old age.

Pure endowment (PE): This does not cover for any contingency, so to speak. It pays out only upon survival to the end of the policy term. Death before the end of the policy term means all premiums paid thus far are "forfeited". Another way to think of the PE is a fixed deposit that requires the owner of the account to survive to the end of the deposit period. As it does not provide insurance cover, it is not popular in Singapore. In fact, it is rare to find any insurer still selling a pure endowment product.

Endowment assurance (EA): This is actually the combination of the TA and PE. It pays out the sum assured upon death before the end of the policy term AND upon survival to the end of the policy term. So in this case, pay out of the sum assured is again imminent. The premiums are therefore more expensive than the TA. A hefty lot more. Despite that, it is a very popular product in Singapore, probably due to promise of the sum assured upon survival to the end of the policy term. Most agents now talk about the endowment without qualifying if they are actually talking about the PE or the EA. In the Singapore context, it is almost certainly the EA. The EAs in Singapore are usually of the regular premium paying or the single premium paying variants.

Annuity (AN): This covers the "contingency" of longevity. In other words, it covers the policyholder from living longer than expected (!) such that his/her savings will run out before he/she passes away. It pays out a regular income (usually monthly) to the policyholder as long as he/she is still alive at those points in time. ANs in Singapore are usually of the single premium paying variant although regular premium paying types are available overseas.


In my next post, I will introduce the main product DESIGNS (another keyword, this is as opposed to the main product types I have just introduced) available. There are three of them, namely non-participating, participating and unit-linked.

Akan Datang: Life Insurance II

215 days to go.

Tetris-ed

I've been playing Tetris since the first PC version came out, which should be around 1988-89. That was the original version by Alexey Pajitnov. Yes, the one with four-coloured pics (blue, red, black and white only, CGA monitor!) of scenaries of the then USSR. So I caught the Tetris bug way before the Block Game handheld version swept through Singapore about 3 years later. I remember playing that first version on our XT home PC, speed 2mHz. I believe my family was one of the earlier owners of a home PC before it became so ubiquitous, because my elder sister took up computing in JC. So I 漁翁得利 and became an early gamer! Heh.

I've played many many other games over the years, but none has sustained my interest like Tetris has. I wouldn't call it addictive now, though I was really into it when I first found it. And I do enjoy the odd game here and there now. It is a relatively short game, it awakens the mind, sharpens it and it is not repetitive. Indeed, everytime an exam is near, especially the actuarial exams, I find myself firing it up more often. It really does make me think quicker! I like to think of it as an alternative form of examination preparation!

My favourite version of Tetris is that released for Windows 3.11. That should be from the early 90s. In fact, I still have a copy of it and this is the version I've been playing religiously over the years. I've played other versions of Tetris over the years, including a 3-D version, a colour-based version, a sex-based version (very funny! you have to erm... position men and women so that they are in position to erm... copulate), versions with special features like bombs (which make it ridiculously easy) and the list goes on. If you're interested in these variants, try finding them here. I've found many interesting variants there. However, my favourite version is still the plain vanilla version that is Windows 3.11.

Oh, I hasten to add that this version has a two-player version where each player tries to sabotage the other by clearing two lines or more and "transferring" them to the other player. I've recently passed the game to Dan and Stef and have gotten them hooked, especially Stef! Fortunately, I've already announced the disclaimer of non-liability for any marital disputes that might ensue.

Given its huge popularity, it is not surprising to find that it has a number of fansites. My personal favourite is The Tetris Taxonomy. The names given to each of the seven pieces are apt, though a tad crude. But the description of certain Tetris moves and slangs really takes the cake. Tetris does has its own official website but it is currently being revamped.

I was thinking of writing up that promised Life Insurance post when I broke my record (not the highest score, just top 10) on just my second game this morning. Feeling extremely pleased with myself, I decided to write something on THE game. What you see above is the screenshot of that second game after it ended. *Ahem*

216 days to go.

Hearing myself

There are some days over here when I don't hear my own voice at all. Yes, that's right. I don't hear myself for 24 hours or more.

These are the days when I don't have to go to the university, don't have any groceries to buy, somehow don't meet my housemate (yeah, it sounds crazy, but it happens), don't meet my landlord (he stays somewhere else) and don't call home. And oh, I don't have the habit of talking to myself. Any such talking takes place in the head, and remains unspoken.

So it feels kindda weird when I eventually make an audible sound with my voicebox. I would be surprised by my own voice!

An ex-housemate of mine (also a Singaporean friend) cannot tahan not talking for a sustained period of time. I recall that there was a day when I had to be in school for the entire day and returned to the apartment only at night. She confided in me she hadn't spoken for most of that day and by late afternoon felt absolutely terrible. To remedy that, she called home and cried over the phone whilst talking to her mum! Upon hearing my reply that the average day for me was just like that before she moved in, she expressed surprise at how I could survive such an existance. *Shrug*

I'm a survivor?

Now you start to realise why I started this blog and why I am counting down so fervently.

217 days to go.

"Sleepless" in Sydney

I sleep less over here. Not by much, but it builds up slowly and surely.

Back home, I usually go to bed after 12 and wake up just before 8. So that's around 7.5 hours. Over here, I climb into bed around 12, can't fall asleep until 1.5-2 hours later and wake up at 9. And sometimes, I will wake up in the middle of the night and waste another hour getting back to sleep. So that's around 6.5 to 7 hours of sleep over here.

I'm the kind of person who needs my full quota of sleep to function fully. So that half an hour daily difference builds up over the semester and really bites into my effectiveness at work.

This semester though, it has made its presence felt earlier than expected. I usually feel it around 2 months after coming back. This time round, I am feeling it NOW, i.e. only a month since flying back. This is not good, especially with my exam coming up.

Everytime I return home for a break, I will sleep like a log for about a month, not oversleeping but still at my usual daily quota of 8 hours, before I recover fully from all that sleep lost in Sydney. I read somewhere that if one takes more than 15 minutes to fall asleep, then you're suffering from insomnia. Duh.

218 days to go.

That last flight back...

... to Sydney was the most difficult flight I have made yet.

I was worried about Le Tis and 秋. I was fairly confident of 秋's ability to cope, having just met her the day before my flight. That was reassuring. But his illness was another thing altogether. A lot of things was still unknown then and really, the pendulum could have swung either way. My deepest fear was of coming back to Singapore a poorer person.

I was troubled by a recently ended relationship. My disappointment in it not working out was already subsiding then. But I have always had this innate fear of hurting other people and I knew I had just hurt a girl. Even though we had reminded each other when we started out to just let things flow and see what happens, that it flowed in the "wrong" way and the eventual breakup still felt bitter. There was this strange feeling of guilt at not being able to have made it work.

I was confused about 綺. Partially because she happened so soon after that failed relationship. Partially because it was the second time it happened. That the previous relationship was sandwiched between the first and second times just added to the intensity.

And I missed my niece. And my family. And Singapore (!).

I had to really fight that feeling of wanting to turn back, to drop everything and to just go home. That I didn't was a minor miracle, or a testament to my own ability to block them all out and get on with the job on hand. But I couldn't hold back the floodgates when the plane started its descent to land at the Sydney airport.

I felt a hot tear roll down my right cheek.

On thinking back, I couldn't remember the last time I had teared.

Akan Datang: Life insurance

219 days to go.

I am No. 1

I have reason to believe that for my impending actuarial paper in September, I will be the only person taking it here. Must be an unpopular paper... *Gulp* Well you see, I've just received my exam entry permit yesterday. My surname starts with one of last alphabets but I've still been assigned the candidate number 1. That can only mean I'll be the lone ranger this time round.

My previous record low for the number of people sitting for the same paper was 2. And it was just the previous sitting! A friend and I had signed up for the same paper. Her surname was just slightly before mine, so she got No. 1 and I No. 2. Felt weird enough taking an exam with just two other people (the other being the invigilator) in a large examination hall. This time, I will have the invigilator staring at me all the time. Duh.

On the bright side, I will be getting "my money's worth". :P

Having a "latter alphabet" surname sucks. I remember always having to wait till the end of the day for the "O" and "A" levels oral exams. Almost everyone else has already gone home, and I would still be clicking my heels in the so-called quarantine room.

But this time round, I will get to leave the exam hall right on the dot. No delays in collection of exam scripts!

220 days to go.

Copula

Part of my current work involves a tool known as the copula (warning: contents of forementioned link may cause brain damage so don't hold me responsible). Now for those of you with slightly more powderful English (or more hum sep minds), a certain other root word will come to mind.

Once and for all, I state this, they are two completely different er... actions, although the concepts are similar.

Indeed, I've been asked many times the question of what my current work is about. I used to say,"Oh, I am trying to model XXX with a tool known as the copula." But I think only the three words in italics register. So two possible scenarios ensue. People either think I am trying to play the fool or they shoot a half dirty look at me. There was even one guy who went,"Oh, isn't that a dirty word?"

Whichever of the two scenarios, the conversation only gets trickier for me from here. I've long given up trying to explain the statistical concept of copula to non-statistical people. So to prevent that from happening, I change my reply in the former question (what my current work is about) to two simple words "insurance related". However, for people who have a reasonable grasp of statistical concepts, such as my actuarial pals, I will try to explain it but will also attempt to cut it as short as possible before I lose the audience, or friends, or both.

Lately, I've been wondering about why the discoverer of this concept called it copula. Of all possible root words to pick from, he picks this one! Maybe he hit upon the idea whilst engaging in the said activity.

Akan Datang: That last flight back here...

221 days to go.

Why would anyone want to be an actuary?

Yes, after taking the actuarial exams with the Institute of Actuaries (IOA) for nearly a decade and going through two syllabus changes (in 2000 and 2005), I suppose many of my friends (but not those still in the line) probably want to ask me that question but feel a little paiseh about it. My mum did ask me to stop altogether some years ago, when I wasn't making much headway, but no one else has actually asked me that question directly.

The current actuarial exam syllabus has been implemented only just this year. My last count says, to qualify as a Fellow, i.e. to complete the professional exams, one has to clear a total of 15 papers. This consists of 9 CT (Core Technical), 3 CA (Core Applications), 2 ST (Specialist Technical, from a choice of 6 possible papers) and 1 SA (Specialist Application, again, from a choice of 6). This number has a tendency to inflate with each change in syllabus. The exams take place twice a year, every April and September (yes, the next one is coming soon!). You can be garang and sign up for multiple papers in each sitting.

But not me. I've been sticking to the "one paper per sitting" principle since I started. Because it takes a lot of time and effort to prepare for just one paper. Because the passing rates are low. And partially because these exams cost a bomb.

How much time? For myself, I typically start preparing for the next exam about 3 months beforehand. Actually, I start my preparations on the very day the results for the previous set of exams are released. Which is about 11 weeks (we always complain it takes them so long to mark the scripts!) after each exam period. And I try to put in an hour or two EVERY DAY for those 3 months. Maybe 3-4 hours when the time is near.

How low are those passing rates? For the CT subjects, the passing rates are pretty decent. Some of the easier subjects get a passing rate of above 70%. The tougher ones though, can be as low as the 30s. On average, the CTs' passing rates are around 55%. The rest of the subjects are a different kettle of fish. Passing rates can be as low as 25%, but average at maybe 40%. I've heard of really scary stories of consecutive failures of these exams, the worst of which was 14 tries (7 years!) to pass the last pesky paper (the SA one). The SA paper is also well-known, well-feared and usually unspoken of (a little like the baddie in Harry Potter, heh... forgot his name). For myself, my er... "record" is 6 tries. Three barren years. When I eventually passed that paper on the sixth try, I couldn't decide what to feel.

As you can see from the two links just given, the IOA only release the names of candidates who pass. Takes a little effort to convince yourself they didn't make any typo errors when you don't find your name there. It is also er... "fun" to search for your pals' names on the pass list (one of my old old friends from JC just qualified in the last exams, my heartiest congrats to her!). But the IOA do send a result slip to you as a form of confirmation of the results. This takes a couple of working days to arrive. Oh that reminds me of one more thing. When one passes, the result slip will declare a very princely looking P. When one fails, we are given a GRADE. FA (fail by 1-5%), FB (by 6-15%), FC (16-25%) and FD (>25%). So "Hey! I "aced" my paper!" is NOT a declaration of good news in our line.

How expensive? Well, everything is priced in pounds (1 pound to about 3 Sing dollars currently). The prices are too painful for me to quote here. So just look here.

All this studying, whilst you still have to work hours like a normal executive does, i.e. 1-2 hours beyond the official knockoff time. Clock even more overtime when circumstances call for it, such as the hectic year-end reporting period. And maybe work on some weekends (best time to work actually, because the agents will not call you to ask for special quotations or questions about products which they should know!).

We do have support in the form of study leave (this is in addition to annual leave) but it really falls short of what is needed. So it is not surprising that the Singaporean actuarial students' passing rates is even lower than those quoted above. I have no solid proof of this, but this is gleaned from my friends' and my own experience in taking the exams.

The best passing rates globally are that of UK and South African students, where study leave packages are more generous (I heard 60 days PER SITTING for South Africa), official working hours are more strictly adhered to and tutorial classes are available for students to attend (none exists in Singapore). Some of my friends have taken quite drastic measures to boost their chances of passing. Taking unpaid leave for half a year. Taking unpaid leave and flying to UK to attend the tutorials and taking the exams there. Applying for secondment to UK based subsidiaries (if these exist for the company you work for). I'm no longer surprised when I hear of these.

And then there is my solution. I quit my job and took up postgraduate courses. The scholarships I somewhat fortuitously managed to garner and teaching pays for my daily expenses but I spend more than half of my time preparing for the actuarial exams. This gamble of sorts has been paying off for me. I have two papers left. But please don't say "only two" for I have no idea when I will clear them both.

In 2000, one of my closer friends, Ah Gee, commented somewhat optimistically that I should qualify by the time the Korea/Japan World Cup comes around. He had assumed I will pass one paper at each sitting.

Then in 2002, he commented I should get it by the time Euro 2004 kicks off.

And yes, during my previous break in the June just past, he again predicted my qualification as Fellow by the time the Germany World Cup launches another gambling frenzy in Singapore.

Maybe I should just ban him from making such comments.

Akan Datang: A dirty word

222 days to go.

P.S. Then again, after reading this blog, why would anyone want to be a doctor? And after reading this other blog, why would anyone want to be his/her own boss? We enjoy suffering?

Secret rendezvous with a chinese physician (actually more than one)

It is not uncommon for little children to experience problems with appetite and/or constipation. After turning one, 慧 frequently suffered from constipation and still do now. We found out that this is normal to a certain extent. But if the time between each bowel movement surpasses a certain length, it would pose a danger to the child.

When I was little, I was quite a sickly child. My mum tried many different doctors on me. Western, chinese, exotic, superstition based, I've tried them all. I can even throw in a name change (my chinese name) to that list of tried solutions. Finally, we found two chinese physicians, 陳醫師 and 徐醫師 (husband and wife) of the clinic 育國, who were able to sort out most of my health problems. It could have been that I happen to hit puberty shortly after seeing them (many children ailments clear up after hitting the teens), or it could have been that their diagnosis and medication have been effective. I like to think it is a combination of both.

My first consultation with them goes a long way back, around 20 years ago (just remembered I first met them when I was around 10, and I am 30 already... *Sob*). Back then, their clinic took up just one small corner of the one storey building (not too far away from the Kembangan MRT station which wasn't even in operation then!). As their fame grew, so did my waiting time (!) and the size of their clinic. I would say that their clinic now takes up 40% of the floorsize there (OK, the building isn't that big to begin with but still, it was pretty fast expansion)!

When I do go back to see them now for some niggling ailment that refuses to go away, they will exclaim how much I've grown, how proud they are of my er... health now (indirect self-praise?) and so on. Lately though, the topic has switched to "girlfriends". Duh.

Anyway, this post is not about me, but on 慧. Given past (good) experience with 育國 and that they specialise in treating children's ailments via what is termed 小兒推拿 ("massaging of children"), it was natural that mum and I thought of consulting them again when faced with 慧's constipation woes. So we did. 慧 (and the other children I see there too) seems to enjoy the massaging process a lot as she lies there quietly for the physician without any complaints.

Now, my sister is a big NON-believer in traditional chinese medicine (TCM). So after our first visit to 育國 which she found out about later, she vehemently voiced out her disapproval. But the fact was, 育國 did help wth 慧's constipation problems.

So how?

Well, this was our "compromise" solution. For the past two years, whenever 慧 is unwell, which is actually not often for she is quite a healthy child, or when her constipation problem reared its ugly head again, we (if I happen to be in Singapore) or my mum and a very helpful neighbour (who dotes on 慧 a lot too!) would bring 慧 to 育國. OK, it wasn't exactly a "compromise". We just did it secretly behind my sister's back.

Over the past two years, for more than once, we've heard my sister comment proudly how healthy 慧 is, and we'll suppress that urge to spill the beans on 育國. After some time, my mum decided she needed to retain some proof of 育國's effectiveness. So she started collecting those used chinese medicine plastic bottles of 慧 with the dates and 慧's name on it. She has a small bag of them now!

慧 is 3 now and getting chattier by the day. I always feel one of these days, she will spill the beans on our 育國 "escapades". If I ask her very specific questions now after a visit, e.g. "慧慧今天去那裏?". She will reply "去給阿姨推推". How this chatty little girl has not mentioned it to her mum yet, I will never know. *Shrug*

For any Singaporean readers who are interested in consulting these chinese physicians, here is their info (I am not paid for this):

Yu Guo (育國) Chinese Physician Acupuncture & Physiotherapy Pte Ltd
398, Changi Road #01-08/10/11 Castle Court S(419845)
Tel : 64474761
Mon - Fri: (except Wed) 9:00 am - 12:30 pm, 2:00 pm - 5:00 pm, 6:30 pm - 8:30 pm
Sat: 9:00 am - 12:30 pm, 2:00 pm - 5:00 pm
Sun: 9:00 am - 12:30 pm (Closed on Wed & Public Holiday)

Akan Datang: Why would anyone want to be an actuary?

223 days to go.

<綺的矛盾、綺之矛盾>

去年十一月份，我找囘了數年前失去聯絡的朋友，綺。說實話，到我這把年紀的人，擴大社交圈子的機會已不多。而能夠找囘古友更是件奇事了。或許是自己對新朋友的要求越來越苛刻。要認識些所謂的“表面”朋友並不難，但知心的朋友。。。有如海底撈針啊! （但我在悉尼還是認識到幾位可意不可求的好友，如我的屋主， Jim，還有Dan與Stef。）

其實意外找到綺的電郵址后，除了開心，心裏還有些戰戰兢兢的感覺。因爲在失去聯絡前，我曾對她有一絲好感。但這我從未說出口。不知道見到她后會有甚麽感覺。自己是蠻希望那份好感已經淡忘了，那麽這份友情就更加有機會繼續發展了。

十二月份，一回到新加坡，第一個聯絡上的朋友就是綺。第一次重新見面，那份微微的好感又不明自發地產生。嗨！苦惱了一陣子還是不能決定下一步該怎麽走。但後來，問題自己解決了。可能是她直覺敏銳，在第二次見面時就對我明示她已有男朋友了。囘想起這件事，還覺得蠻好笑的。就在她明示的一瞬間，我是又失望（被別人捷足先登了！）又尷尬（被發覺了！）還有放下心頭大石的感覺（不用再苦惱了！）。除了要應付這些一湧而來的矛盾感覺，還要裝著一臉沒事的樣子。一時間整張臉都發燙起來！她問我沒事吧？哈哈哈！叫我怎麽回答？

其實，那時候我承認自己是有一股衝動，不如隨便推個理由回家算了。但我沒有這麽做。因爲直覺說這是她爲了挽留這份友情的刻意安排。我是應該回應這份努力的！辛好我有這麽回應。因爲混雜的感覺漸漸散去后，代替的是一種踏實，舒暢。我也感覺到綺的姿体語言有明顯的放鬆。或許她也是思考了許久才覺定這麽做的。對她的這份體貼安排，我開始覺得讚賞，尊敬，甚至感激。要不然可能朋友也會很難做下去（尷尬嗎！）。有些話竟在不言中還是比較好的。

那晚，我們聊了很久很久。她才剛剛轉入這行（精算），所以有些疑問和期盼。我的工作經驗雖不算多，但考試（精算）這方面的經驗可算是非常充足的（我看是過與充足了！）。因爲她才剛剛開始考試的漫長歲月，而我已經考了將近十年了吧（如果把大學的那三年精算課程也算進去的話）！我們也聊起了她與男友的戀愛故事。她不禁提起了一些工作與男友之間的矛盾。我聼了相當驚訝。第一，我沒料到她會與我分享這麽私密的煩惱。第二，她一直以來都是樂天派的。沒想到她對終身大事有如此大的困擾。第三，我得一直提醒自己這只是朋友與朋友之間的討論，不要對她有任何幻想！

囘家途中，才發覺自己其實壓抑了整個晚上。後疫症這時終于爆發了。沮喪，失望，無助，全部都按耐不住地把我圍困了。還記得到家時，慧慧還沒睡（母親告訴我慧堅持要等到我回家后才肯睡）。聽到我的腳步聲，她就從床上爬起來，跑來給我一個擁抱，喊了一聲“gu gu good night！”才跑囘床上睡覺。我的淚差一點就彪了出來。又好笑又感動。哈哈哈！

下來幾個禮拜，我沒有再約綺出來，只有通過電郵保持聯絡。我想讓自己多一些時間調整自己的心情。後來因爲工作和考試的緣故，在飛囘悉尼之前也沒有再見面。但我記得登機時，心裏是充滿著自信。自信那份暗戀會過去，甚至已成爲過去。

熬著熬著，終于也把上半年熬過去了。那半年内發生了很多事。我經歷了一段煙花般的戀情。來得快，高峰時非常激情、忘我，但去得更快，最低潮時好不狼狽、愧疚。至於綺，她換了工作。終于也給她找到了一份比較適合自己的工作。六月份的假期到了最后一個禮拜才約到她。工作和準備九月份的考試（我也有考哦！）忙得她不可開交。

再次見面，彼此的交談變得更加輕鬆自然。上兩次見面的戒心和彆扭都消失了！剛過的四月份考試成績剛放榜，雙方各自都報捷。雖然她在報考的兩張試卷中才過了一張（我只報了一張），她還是蠻開心的。聊著聊著，又提到她的婚禮。她曾經說過應該是今年年底或明年。一問出口我就後悔開口了。她回答說肯定不是今年。而且臉帶著一點無奈的表情。

頓了一陣子，綺加了這句話∶“我很懷念熱戀的那种感覺。”

這句話來得很意外，很突然。是暗示嗎？明示？還是只是普通的感嘆？腦子裏又閃出那句熟悉的警告“不要有任何幻想！”

跟著，我換了話題，尷尬情況一下子就過了。逛了吃了聊了一個下午才各自回家。本來以爲自己肯定沒事的。怎麽回家途中，後疫症又犯了！對她的好感怎麽又湧上來了？而且比六個月前強？突然很想跟她表白的感覺也是很勉強地才壓抑下去的。

就這樣，煩了想了无奈了一整個新期。也就這樣，囘悉尼的日子到了。在機場登機時，回頭的念頭反復在腦裏徘徊。放不下慧慧，放不下Le Tissier與秋。。。在機場我才坦然跟自己承認，其實也放不下綺。

心裏的矛盾處處在。對前一段煙花般的戀情，沉重的愧疚感仍然存在。才結束了不久，這麽快又“動情”，可能嗎？已經多年沒有“動心”的感覺。怎麽一年以内就連中三元？兩次對象還是同位女生？！離開，好像是在逃避。有問題，我是最討厭逃避了。怎麽這次有逃避的感覺（雖然是迫不得已，情況所逼的）？

心裏的問題也是處處有。爲甚麽對綺的好感會二度死灰復燃？下來這半年，能夠再一次“斬草除根”嗎？下次見面時，又會不會再次“動心”？如果“動心”，該怎麽處理？

真希望能馬上回家面對這一切。。。

即將刊登∶Secret rendezvous with a chinese physician

還有兩百二十四天。

Best jobs in America

This morning, I brought along my Actuary magazine to read whilst waiting for my haircut (can wait up to one hour one... Australia!). Two articles caught my attention:

i) List of jobs ranked best in America. It includes actuary (me! me! though I am still, strictly speaking, an actuarial student since I haven't completed my professional exams yet), website manager (my sister), software engineer (my bro-in-law!). :P Oh, and they didn't measure "best" just by salary. It includes, I quote from the website, "income, stress, physical demands, outlook, security and work environment".

ii) AIG's (AIA in Singapore, yup the life insurer) credit rating with S&P gana downgraded again! Recently just downgraded from AAA to AA+. Now only AA. Ouch.

Still 225 days to go.

I preferred it empty

I knew it was empty. And I know it still is. Why, the last time I checked, about two years ago, it was so and it has been locked up and secured ever since. So it must be.

I can still remember the resonance of my own steps as I paced the boundary of the interior. The stench of trapped stale air, the omnipresent cobwebs, the disturbing lack of furniture and the rays of evening sunlight forming neat rectangles on the opposite wall. Empty, that's what it was like. Total emptiness. I left in short time, re-securing the door to leave things as they were. There was nothing to leave behind anyway. It was empty.

The little yard around it, I have been taking care of regularly since my last neighbour moved out. It was a simple and small yard that did not require too much effort to look after. Speaking of my last neighbour, I have fond memories of her. I frequented the cottage when she was around. She was a vivacious person and I was quite the opposite. I could feel her effervescence rubbing off me and I enjoyed that feeling immensely. As things may be, she moved out without leaving word.

That was all about two years ago.

And I never found another reason to return. In fact, I found a reason not to. That was the arrival of my niece. What a bundle of joy she was! And still is! I certainly enjoyed looking after her and yet, it was without the total responsibility an average parent would have to bear. An arrangement that meant the best of both worlds for me.

At times, I do feel like a half-parent to my niece. Seeing things through her eyes is literally an eye-opening experience. When she is around, that dormant part of me I never knew was there awakens and slips into her world. When she is away, it goes back to sleep. The overall effect seemed to be one of a double life. I often wonder how life would have been like without my niece and I do come away with the feeling that perhaps, I need her company more than she needs mine.

Recently, an extra piece of furniture came into my possession. Looking around the house (largely colonised by my niece now), I made the wise decision that there was not any more room for it. Thoughts turned to that empty cottage. I had not been near it for two years and even the yard was now ashamedly in disorder. Perhaps I could clean it up a bit, and the interior of the cottage as well before storing the piece of furniture in there for the benefit of any future neighbour.

So I waited for the weekend when my niece went home before picking my way through the tall uncut grass leading to the cottage. What a tragic sight. Pieces of trash shrouded the ground, mailbox overflowing with junk mail, grass reaching the height of my knees and signs of ample rust on almost anything metallic. Could two years have been that long?

Still puffing from carrying the furniture and picking my way through, I felt my hands shaking slightly as I fumbled the key into the lock. The vibrations of the door about its hinges seemed to resonate and I thought I could make out some echoes. Finally the chains were off and I gingerly tried the knob.

The creaking suggested more rust but at least it was still working. With some effort, it reluctantly gave way and the door swung open inwards easily, almost on its own accord. Almost immediately, a strong gusty wind hollowed from behind my back and into the cottage, carrying with it some of the mail and trash. Where did the neat rectangles of sunlight go? Where did the opposite wall go?

I stood there dumbfounded. Turning around, the uncut grass can be seen flattened onto the ground, as if a chopper was attempting a landing near it. Pieces of trash were still flying in past me as I felt a cut or two on my turned cheek. Finally, even the piece of furniture standing next to me toppled over and rolled into the abyss before me.

Solemnly and mastering every ounce of effort, I wrenched the door close. Shaking even more visibly now, I replaced the chains and lock. Then I turned and ran home like a mad man.

It probably would be a long time before I would want to think about that cottage again. I preferred it empty.

Akan Datang: 綺

225 days to go.

Peanuts (nothing to do with S$600K)

I'm a big fan of Peanuts. Not the kind that costs S$600K, not the edible type but the comic strip Peanuts. How big a fan, you ask? The long drawer of my wardrobe is not for clothes. It is packed to the brim with Peanuts comic reprints. These are books reprinting past strips that has been printed in the newspapers from years past. I believe I've invested thousands, yes thousands with the "S" at the end, in my collection. I scoured Ebay, used bookshops online, local bookshops online, global bookshops online. That list of links is NOT exhaustive. I've once paid US$50 for a book. Because it was and still is rare. And because I have the other 28 books in that collection; I needed it to complete the series!

But I won't even dare claim myself as the biggest Peanuts fan of them all. I'm not even close. Some of the fans I've "met" are truly incredible. I feel rather insignificant compared to their fervour and love for Peanuts. Check out, for example, the AAUGH blog and the Peanuts newsgroup. Some of these fans spend their lives RESEARCHING Peanuts. All I do is collect and read and reread and reread. *Grin*

For the uninitiated, the author of Peanuts was (and forever will be) Charles M. Schulz. It began its run on 2nd October 1950 and ended on 13th February 2000. Actually, to be specific, the last DAILY strip was published on 3rd January 2000 but the last SUNDAY strip was published on 13th February 2000 (Mr. Schulz liked to work ahead of schedule). Almost continuously for 50 years (there is only one break of two weeks I think in 1998 when he had an operation), Mr. Schulz drew and wrote Peanuts. He also did not want anyone to take over when he passed away. So the Peanuts run ended when he passed away. Perhaps it was "appropriate" that he passed away on the day BEFORE the final Sunday strip was published, on 12th February 2000.

Up until two years ago, many old strips, especially those from the 50s, never got to see the light of the day again after appearing just once in the papers. The rights of different years' strips were sold to different publishers over the years. As a result, MANY MANY different collections of strip reprints appeared. Of all shapes and sizes too. To get a gauge of what I'm trying to convey, see this, especially this guide, and this. Even then, these books were INCOMPLETE. A very high percentage of Peanuts never ever got collected and printed into a book.

That is, until two years ago when this happened. Somehow, a publisher by the name of Fantagraphics managed to negotiate with the estate of Charles Schulz to reprint the ENTIRE RUN of Peanuts, from Day 1 till the very last strip. Peanuts fans had assumed all along that this would never happen, given the complications involved (details left out here). But it came true. 50 years of strips to be published in 25 books. One book every half year for twelve and a half years. The first volume came out in April 2004. This coming October will see volume four hitting the shops. So for the next decade or so, I will get really "high" twice a year.

But two things worry us Peanuts fans. One, will I live to see out the series (should be ok for me, I'll "only" be 41 then)? Two, will the publisher remain solvent for the entire run?

A lot of friends ask me why I am "so into" Peanuts. It's not easy to explain but...

I like the subtle kind of humour in Peanuts. A lot of comic strips these days rely on sight gags. Peanuts has its fair share too, but they are fewer in comparison.

I like the simple yet very descriptive style of drawing that Mr. Schulz possessed. A few simple lines and I can see Charlie Brown's anguish, Snoopy's mischief, Lucy's crabbiness... A lot of comics these days rely on very very detailed drawing to bring out the feelings of the character. Mr. Schulz is skilled enough to not require that.

I like the wide repertoire of characters in the strip. Most non-fans equate Peanuts to Snoopy. Simply because Snoopy's character is so colourful and varied. The truth cannot be further from that. There are so many characters in the strip, yet, Mr. Schulz manages to give each his or her own unique character. Although I admit to liking Snoopy's character a lot, my all-time favourite Peanuts strip (scroll down to find October 24, 1999 Item 1317-02) doesn't contain him. Incidentally, one of my pals bought this comic strip reprint for me (about A3 size!) recently. I was VERY touched!

Not many Singaporeans like or have even heard of Peanuts. A number of years ago, a merchandise-cum-restaurant called Snoopy's Place opened in Plaza Singapura. I still own a T-shirt from there. After a number of years, the restaurant disappeared. Then the merchandise shop got downsized. During my last break, I discovered it has disappeared altogether! *Sigh*

Here are where I get my fix for Peanuts merchandise now (not often because of the hefty shipping costs!): Snoopystore.com and Snoopygift.com

Oh and by the way, Mr. Schulz has a museum set up in 2003 to commemorate his past work. And there is this biennial event known as Beaglefest where Peanuts fans from around the globe congregate for about a week or so to celebrate the comic strip. I am NOT kidding you. It is held in Santa Rosa, California. I believe the last edition was the BeaglefestVIII. The next one is in June 2006. You can only sign up for it after becoming a member of the Peanuts Collector Club.

Yes, that is how BIG Peanuts is in the US.

I dislike travelling. A LOT. But when I eventually complete my actuarial exams, I would like to visit Santa Rosa and take part in a Beaglefest. Santa Rosa is where everything Peanuts is! Another place I would like to visit despite hating travelling A LOT is Malta, but that is another story.

Akan Datang: That feeling of emptiness

226 days to go.

Edit: The pictures below were added on 6th May 2006. They were taken after my return home, thanks to the digital camera borrowed from my sis:
My Peanuts comic reprints collection. It is still growing!
The books in the right drawer. 内有乾坤哦！
The books in the left drawer. Note the four volumes of the Complete Peanuts on the right of the pic. Volume 5 is coming soon, as I write.

Dropping everything

Just called home and had a record length "chat" with my niece. She was extremely chatty tonight and kept asking for the phone from my mum. I think I spoke to her for like 20 minutes, amazing for a little girl of 3.

"要。。。要 gu gu "出來"陪慧慧畫畫！"

"Gu gu 在電話裏面，不可以跟 gu gu 勾勾小指頭！"

It's enough to make a grown man cry. It's enough to make me want to drop all my work and fly home tomorrow. *Sigh*

Still 227 excruciatingly long days to go.

Mum's misadventures on the MRT

This happened just last Friday.

My mum had to attend a wake on Thursday night, so 慧 had to go back to my sis's home one day early. The wake was at the other end of Singapore, resulting in my mum getting home rather late that night. Then she had to make sure she got to my sis's home early on Friday morning for the "handing/taking over" of 慧. I suppose she didn't get too much sleep that night. By Friday evening, when my bro-in-law and sis got home to relieve my mum, she must've been pretty tired out.

Her MRT trip home (from Yew Tee to Clementi) usually takes around 20 minutes, inclusive of waiting time. But it ended up lasting more than an hour. And it wasn't because she fell asleep! Here's why.

From Yew Tee, she got on the train bound for Jurong East correctly. Upon reaching Jurong East, she somehow absentmindedly got off the train on the wrong side to wait for the train bound for Boon Lay. Funny thing is whilst waiting for the train, it did not occur to her the scenary looked different from the other side that we're used to seeing.

The train came and she duly boarded. Only upon reaching Chinese Garden (luckily not Boon Lay) did she realise her mistake. So she hurriedly got off to track back to Jurong East. Now here's where things got really interesting. After reaching Jurong East for the second time, she GOT OFF the train to walk to the opposite platform, i.e. the centre platform, which is for the train bound for Yew Tee. And she boarded that train without suspecting something wrong AGAIN.

Fortunately, it also only took her one station (Bukit Batok) to realise her second mistake. She alighted there and did her second track back of the night. By the time she got back to Jurong East for the THIRD time, she was super alert. She made absolutely sure she got off the train on the correct side for the east-bound train and got home without further incident.

At the end of the story, I asked her,"媽，你這麽困啊？"

"沒有啦！其實我在想東西啦！"

"想甚麽？有甚麽好想的？"

"哈哈哈！沒甚麽重要事啦！我只是在算我的股票而已！"

Duh.

227 days to go.

Those birthday pics

I've forgotten to post 慧's birthday pics. So here they are: As expected, she was totally engrossed in the Pingu figurines my sis gave her and ignored basically everything else. Speaking of which, I've been informed that Pingu is now showing on Kidscentral. Hopped over to the Todayonline website to check and indeed it is so! 1:45p.m. every weekday. But for only 15 minutes. More entertainment for her!
That's her birthday cake. We asked her what kind of cake she wanted. "要。。。要鴨鴨的！" So 鴨鴨的 it was. Ducks (of any species), Pingu, and Pooh Bear (in descending order of preference) are her current 偶像s.

Still 228 days to go.

Beckonings II

"Follow the red brick road," so says the Wizard of Oz as he pointed north, "and you will find the real Wizard, the Wizard of Orh, soon enough. He will help you find your way home." And so, armed with just my water bottle, I headed off. Just my luck that the first wizard turned out to be a humbug. *Grumble grumble*

The going was easy initially, but I soon found parts of the road getting narrow or rocky or both. I hoped more than a few times that this second journey will not take too long.


A scurry through the tall lalang grass on my left startled me. "I'm late! I'm late! No time to waste. I'm late!" The grass parted to reveal a rabbit holding a large round waist clock in his right hand. His other hand seemed hurt and was in a sling. He got onto the road and broke into a spontaneous jog.

"Hey, wait! What are you late for?"

"Many things… many things. No time to waste on useless questions. Gotta run, gotta run."

"Calm down. Haven't you heard of more haste less speed? Patience, my friend."

He stopped suddenly and turned around,"Yes indeed, I do know I'm impatient. In fact, I am heading north to seek an attendance with the Wizard of Orh. I would like to ask him to grant me some patience."

"Hey, I am heading there too, to ask him to send me home. Let's journey together."

"Alright, but I'll dictate the pace."

"No go. You're injured, so a slower pace will suit us both better."

Reluctantly, he agreed. And so, after a brief rest (I had to insist) and a swipe of water from my water bottle, we started off together.


The going got progressively tougher as we headed north. It got warmer too and I had to try and ration out my water. For some reason, Rabbit did not feel any thirst at all. Either that, or he had a high level of tolerance.

We soon find ourselves in a midst of a jungle. A very dark one.

"Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I?"

"What's that? What's that?" asks Rabbit as he jumped into my arms, eyeballs darting from side to side.

"Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn' I?"

I mastered my most forceful voice and offered,"Who's there? Come on out now!"

We heard some rustling of leaves and cracking of branches but still saw no one.

So I repeated and added a threat,"Who's there? Come on out now or we'll… we'll come and get you (though I know not how)."

"Please don't. I am already standing next to you… (That really startled us!) Oh, I forgot…" came back a ladylike voice.

She stepped onto the brick road and we finally saw her true form.

"Why, it's a pollywog. A female one at that!" exclaimed Rabbit.

"Which was why you couldn't see me just now; I was standing against the backdrop of the jungle," explained Pollywog.

And we all shared a hearty laugh over it.

"So why were you mumbling "Should I? Shouldn't I?" repeatedly?"

*Sigh* "I'm trying to decide whether to leave the jungle."

"And have you decided?"

"No, not for many moons."

"Many moons? Gee, you’re an indecisive one," Rabbit interjected.

"Indeed I am. I'm actually trying to decide if I should leave the jungle to go up north. I was thinking of asking the great Wizard of Orh for a heart. Then I will have the heart to make up my mind once and for all."

"Hey, we're heading there too. Let us make the decision for you this time. Come with us and once you are granted your heart, you can then decide whether you want to return to the jungle."

And so, we did, after a brief rest (I had to insist and decide) and a further swipe of water from my water bottle.


Soon, we were out of the jungle. Ms. Pollywog was noticeably apprehensive just after leaving the boundaries of the jungle, but soon settled down after our repeated assurances. Both Rabbit and myself, on the other hand, were mighty relieved to leave the dark jungle behind us and be back in broad daylight again. But the underside of that is it got really warm again. When the welcome sight of a pond appeared, it got us racing one another to it.

That was the first time I saw Rabbit drinking since we started journeyed together. As I refilled my water bottle, I noticed a pair of ducks bobbing serenely in the middle of the pond, one of which seemed to be hesitating.

"Go on," said the larger one to the smaller one.

Reluctantly, the smaller one swam towards us.

"Hi. I came over just to say hello."

"Hi there. And why the earlier hesitation? Do we look hostile?"

"No, of course not. Don't get me wrong. I just had to ask my mother for permission first."

"Hmm… you could do with more independence," interrupted Ms. Pollywog somewhat rudely.

"Yes, I know. I was thinking of leaving my mother and the pond to go up north. I would like to ask for some independence from the Wizard of Orh. Then mother will not have to worry about me anymore."

"That's where all of us are headed. Come with us."

"I should inform my mother first."

"Sure thing. Tell her not to worry about you. We'll take good care of you on the journey north."

Of course, her mother agreed and we did, after a brief rest (I had to insist, decide and reassure) and a further swipe of water from my water bottle.


I heard the Wizard of Orh stayed in a green city too, as did the Wizard of Oz. Instead of emeralds, it is covered with greenery. So they named it the Garden City. I wondered how much longer before we got there.


Akan Datang: Peanuts!

228 days to go.

Half

Actually, more than halved.

Called 秋 last night. Extremely positive news to report. Le Tissier's recovery has been faster than expected. I asked her if they are happy to hear the news (because I was elated to hear it). She said not really, more relieved than anything else. He has just gone through his second round of treatment, and this time round, the side effects are not as severe, thus far that is. That's great news, isn't it?

So what's been halved? The size of his tumour.

Speaking of which, I would like to wish Little Miss Drinkalot a quick recovery in her own fight with Mr. Tumour. Fortunately for her, it is benign.

Lastly, an away win for Man Utd. Everton some more. I can't decide whether to be happy about it or not. More on this later...

Still 229 days to go.

An apology

欣，對不起。

229 days to go.

Football season

Ah, the football season in UK starts again tonight. Actually in 5 minutes or so. I'm a Red Devils fan, by the way. Since 1985. In fact, I can narrow it down to the match that converted me. The 1985 edition of the FA Cup. Semi-finals replay. Man Utd came from 1-0 down (courtesy of a Ian Rush goal) to beat Liverpool 2-1 through goals from Bryan Robson and Mark Hughes.

More about this later. Match starting...

Still 230 days to go.

More niece moments

I wrote this half a year ago when my niece was two and a half:


"Gu gu 去哪裏?" (Where did uncle go?)

"去澳洲." (Australia)

"去澳洲做甚麽?" (What's uncle doing in Australia?)

"讀書, 回來度假." (Studying, now back on holiday)

"慧慧要不要去?" (Is 慧慧 interested in going?)

"要!" (Emphatic yes)

"去做甚麽?" (What will 慧 do there?)

A short pause...

"去吃 mum mum" (To eat)

My niece is now nearing two and a half and boy is she a chatterbox. My mum is always commenting that she feels a great sense of achievement seeing 慧 grow from a tiny baby into a now 96cm 13.5kg toddler. For me, it is a readjustment every 4-5 months I am back for a break. My mind is still stuck at the last time I've seen her and it is simply amazing to see that quantum leap in growth.

"慧慧去 gai gai!" (I want to go out!)

"要去哪裏?" (Where do you want to go?)

A short pause…

"去搭 MRT" (To take a train) or "去 IMM" (To IMM)

We then try to think of something FAST to distract her…

My niece is also at the stage of being able to walk quite confidently but doesn’t have the endurance to walk longer distances, nor climb long flights of stairs yet. So bringing her out can be a test of our endurance. Any parent (I know most of you aren't yet) would know that Singapore isn't exactly stroller-friendly, so we don't even bother with one now. Try carrying a toddler up an overhead bridge and you'll know it is no joke. Especially when she fidgets a lot! So we're not so keen on bringing her beyond a small radius around our flat. Her favourites recently are taking a train or going to IMM. Both are beyond that small radius!

"慧慧要不要 ngg ngg?" (Do you want to pass motion?)

"不要!" (No!)

"要不要 gai gai?" (Do you want to go out?)

"要!" (Emphatic yes)

"要 gai gai 就要 ngg ngg" (If you want to go out, you have to pass motion)

"慧慧要 gai gai" (慧 wants to go out)

"都跟你說了, 要 gai gai 就要 ngg ngg" (We've just told you, if you want to go out, you have to pass motion)

A short pause… then reluctantly walks over to her potty (portable type).

However, sometimes we have to use going out as a bargaining chip with her, like when she simply refuses to berak (pass motion) although all indications are she wants to. What are the indications? A lot of farting, discomfort when sitting down, preference to standing... She can be very obstinate.

After doing her "business", "慧慧 ngg ngg 了, 慧慧去 gai gai" (慧 has passed motion, now wants to go out) and she rushes to the gate to wait. An indirect way of saying I've done my bit, now you keep your promise.

So I have to close now, because I have to keep my promise to her. Children remember ALL the promises you make, so watch what you say to them. Good luck to all those of you becoming parents soon!


Heh... it is still enjoyable to read this and reminisce what my previous break in December was like. More specifically, what 慧 was like at two and a half years old.

Akan Datang: Beckonings II

230 days to go.

Beckonings

I make myself comfortable underneath the canopy of a largish tree in the park. My knapsack is next to me. Leaning against the trunk and stretching my legs at the same time, I dig out an apple and start munching on it.

Strains of Valen Hsu from my discman floats into my ears, caressing them so. I try not to munch too hard on the apple lest I disturb the beautiful notes and voice too much. It starts to get intoxicating and instinctively, I close my eyes.

Days like this do not come often, do they?

A flutter of wings. My eyes open and I see a pair of birds descend down on a patch no further than a few arms’ length from me. The larger one of them skips protectively around the smaller. The parent, I suppose. I look around to see if the other parent is around. Not so.

The little one starts getting curious and skips a few baby steps towards me, tail twitching around all the time. Her parent immediately intercedes, probably fearing for her safety, by placing herself between myself and her little one. The little one stops and starts gazing quizzedly at me, her beady eyes fixated upon me.

I do not move, and just return her gaze with mine. The parent begins ushering her little one away from me. Still, the little one stares at me. She seems to be beckoning me to follow her. I do not want to frighten her with any sudden movements, so I respond by shaking my head gently. Finally, she breaks the long-held look, turns and takes off with a quick flutter. My eyes follow her receding silhouette.

Upon ensuring the safety of her little one, the parent now turns to look at me as well. But the change in body language is very noticeable. She is no longer on her guard. Her wings droop a little as she too looks at me quizzedly. Just as her offspring did a moment or two ago. Sensing some sadness and longing in her, I manage my best smile and again shake my head slightly.

She gives me a few hearty chirps. Slowly, I move my hands to remove my earplugs to listen to her oratory. No, I can’t yet, so I shake my head gently again. Finally, she comprehends my intentions, turns and flies away to join her child.

I will be back home soon, but for now, I have to stay.

Akan Datang: I just dug out something else I wrote on my niece. Will post that tomorrow.

231 days to go.

Singlish, 山歌 and no "jeem"

Stef asked me the other day how come my English is er… understandable to her. Huh? Then she explained herself. It turns out that she is teaching in the university. In her class for this semester, there happens to be quite a number of Singaporeans. I suppose these formed a clique amongst themselves and "self select" everytime there is a need for group discussions. During such discussions, Stef CANNOT understand much of what they're saying. She said that she can catch snatches of English here and there but it doesn't seem to be exactly English. To quote her, “有點兒像在唱山歌的感覺！”

I was amused. I have many China Chinese friends and I always told them how I enjoy listening to their spoken Chinese, especially that of 北方人 (Chinese from the northern part of China). It sounds melodious unlike the typical Singaporean counterpart. Like comparing an uncut diamond to the finished product. So it is amusing to hear a Chinese's views on our Singlish. Apparently, it sounds melodious to them as well.

I explained to her that I've long trained myself to suppress my Singlish when speaking to my non-Singaporean friends. Then I broke into a 5 second oratory of Singlish to make my point. Her reaction has to be seen to be believed. She must have thought I've morphed into some alien.

As previously mentioned, the day before yesterday was National Day and also my niece's 3rd birthday. Being the doting gu gu that I am, I called home to sing the obligatory birthday song to her. 慧 was already well engrossed in watching the new Pingu VCDs and playing with the new Pingu figurines her mum bought her (see pic below).
When it was time to go, my mum asked 慧 to give me a "kiss".

"慧慧 kiss gu gu, ma ma 就放電話"

3 seconds silence...

"Gu gu 在電話裏面, 不可以 jeem (hokkien for kiss)"

Akan Datang: Beckonings

232 days to go.

Australian ambulances

I used to live next to a main road and traffic can get quite heavy during the peak hours. Strangely, I heard sirens almost every day. It's either the police chasing someone, or an ambulance rushing the sickly to hospital. Got so many robbers and sick people meh?

Speaking of ambulances...

When I first arrived, I've often seen and wondered about the deep grooves in the grass lining the roads, especially that along the middle of roads on the dividers. Illegal racing? Illegal U-turns?

Well, I soon found out. I was out one evening buying dinner and waiting at the lights to cross the road. Then I heard the distant, by now ubiquitous sirens and an ambulance soon appeared. Unfortunately for it, the road leading to the city was packed. Some cars tried to give way but there just wasn't any space for them to turn into. The opposite direction's lanes were however near empty.

I wondered how the ambulance was going to make it to the hospital in time, unless it... then it suddenly occurred to me how those grooves came about. Sure enough, the ambulance lumbered across the middle curbs, onto the grass, to the other side and towards the onrushing cars! Being a suah ku, my jaw dropped.

I silently hoped the driver was skillful enough to handle this as I crossed to the middle of the road. That was when a second ambulance came along and I was treated to an encore performance of the stunt!

It got little hair-raising this time as from my new focal position, i) it looked like the ambulance might just continue moving forward and hit me, and ii) as it struggled over the curbs, it tottered a little on its centre of gravity and looked like it might just overturn.

This time, I was hoping that the patient hadn't been suffering from any broken bones before the stunt and didn't get any "extras" after.

Akan Datang: a "kiss" from my niece

233 days to go.

Happy 3rd and 40th Birthday

Because today is such a special day, I will put off posting that story on Australian ambulances until tomorrow.

Today is Singapore's 40th Birthday. This should be the first year I am experiencing a stronger feeling for the place I call home. Nonetheless, if I were home now, I still won't be watching the NDP. Instead, there will be something else I will definitely be doing if I were back home now.

Celebrating my niece, 慧's 3rd birthday! Yes, she's a National Day baby! I've missed all her birthday celebrations thus far, having flown here a couple of months before she turned one. *Sigh* Here is a pic of her first birthday:She's actually a little close to tears in this pic. I suppose she is not too used to all the attention. Here's a pic from her 2nd birthday celebrations:
She's lapping up all the attention in this one. I was told everyone was singing the birthday song when this pic was taken. A bit the 沾沾自喜 look, right? Oh, and that crash helmet hairstyle is courtesy of my mum. 慧 didn't really like hairdressers touching her scalp until recently. So up until a few months ago, my mum did that crash helmet hairstyle for her.

I'll probably have to wait a couple of days before I get pics of her latest birthday celebrations. Watch this space! In the meantime, Happy Birthday to all Singaporean readers and to 慧. Hope you will like the birthday present gu gu prepared for you before flying back. *Grin*

234 days to go.

Experiment and a little tweak

I did an experiment this morning.

My old alarm clock had conked out recently so I bought a new one in Singapore (cheaper mah!) during my June break. I made sure it was one of those with the bluish lighting function and can give temperature readings. I've always been curious how cold it gets in my room during winter.

It has been two weeks since I've been back. The first week had been rather cold. Room temperature in the morning is usually in the 17-18 range. After I switch on the laptop, it becomes 19-20 after a while. Heh, my laptop has a secondary function, i.e. heater!

These couple of days, it seemed to have gotten even colder. It's been saying 16 in recent mornings. I got curious about the temperature difference underneath the blankets and the room, so I hid the clock under my blanket and stayed put for about 15 minutes (another reason to 賴床). It stabilised at 26. A difference of 10 degrees!

No wonder winter mornings are so tough for me.

Yesterday afternoon, I went yum cha with two Shanghainese pals, Dan (not the same one as that mentioned here) and his wife, Stef. Arrived at 11:10a.m. and still had to wait for 50 minutes. Popular siah... We agreed unanimously we're in the wrong line of work.

After that, I visited their apartment. They had just gotten married at the end of last year (in Shanghai not Sydney). Was shown their wedding DVD. Halfway through it, I realised I was watching what a typical Singaporean wedding (between two Singaporean chinese) would be like. Just add the 炮竹, minus the Singlish. The wedding car deco, the collective bargaining at the bride's door, the wedding dinner,... all very similar to Singaporean weddings. Kindda surprised at this. Perhaps I expected to see a more er... traditional setting?

I think my perception of China needs further tweaking (despite having many China chinese pals).

235 days to go.